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It’s Bad vs. I Don’t Like It

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The great thing about All The Social Medias is that you have access to way more people’s opinions than ever before in all of history.  Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, even the comment section of your local grocer’s weekly specials site, all provide you with tons of insightful analysis and helpful information about the quality of any number of things, like current movies, or latest technologies, or critically important national policy debates (sometimes in 140 characters or less!).

If you’re putting Something Out There, like a new vacuum, or book, or blog post about the lack of female protagonists in video games, there’s a very good chance that someone, somewhere is going to have an opinion about it.  And they will probably express it.

Occasionally it can be useful to go See What People Are Saying.

But before you do that, there a couple of things to know:

1)  NEVER DO THAT.

Okay, actually it’s okay to do it if you have to.  But it’s important to keep in mind that:

2) People often make sweeping authoritative declarations about quality such as:

This is terrible!

Easily the worst thing ever in the history of mankind!

If I had to choose between going back in time to shoot Hitler or the creator of this, it wouldn’t even be a choice … Hitler lives every time.  IT’S THAT BAD!

I used to make this mistake all the time.  And I still do it occasionally, but I’ve been working on it.

It’s very easy to confuse your own personal distaste for something with an objective and authoritative judgment that It Is Bad.

Some things really ARE bad.  Like that curry chicken and egg salad with extra mayonnaise sandwich that you left out on the counter overnight.  DO NOT EAT THAT.  IT IS LITERALLY BAD.

But there are a number of authors out there whose material I don’t particularly care for, and whose writing I used to look at and scoff and say “This is so bad!  This is awful!  It’s TERRIBLE!!!” and I’m not even one who usually uses exclamation points all that often, so that was getting pretty emphatic.

But many of those authors are selling literally millions of copies of their work.  Clearly they’re Doing Work that other people find value in (or, in which other people find value).

I’m not their target audience.  And that’s okay.  It is, in fact, good!

It’s great that those authors have found an audience and have connected with their audience and even though I want them to only create things that I like because my whole world revolves around ME BY GOLLY, it’s REALLY OKAY.  Something something about not pleasing everybody.

Whatever you create, some people will hate it.  Hate it.  (Sometimes it won’t even have anything to do with you … lots of people hate things just because other people like them.)

It can be helpful to remember that “This is HORRIBLE” is usually just code for “I don’t like it”.

(Also, never read the comments.)

(Feel free to post comments below.  I will read them.)

(Probably.)

(I rarely take my own advice.)

How Right-of-Way Causes Accidents

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We’ve all done it at some point or another.

We’re sitting there in a line of traffic and it’s finally starting to move at 15mph and the right lane’s ending, and has been for 3500 feet, and that sports car is coming up way too fast, trying to cut in front of us at the last possible second, so we edge up as close behind the bumper of the car in front of us as we can because HE SAW THE SIGN.

Or, you know, that guy’s coming towards the intersection a little too fast, but we go anyway because we’ve got the green.

Or traffic’s not slowing down, but we’re already in the crosswalk and state law says they have to yield so by golly we’re going to cross!

And by golly, we’re right, by gum, we DO have the right-of-way.  We ARE doing the right thing, and THEY are not.

Unfortunately the laws of physics do not vary based on the laws of the state, and even though the guy who drove through the crosswalk might be very sorry for having done it, that doesn’t help you recover all of your formerly-inner bits from whence they’ve been scattered across hood and sidewalk.

Sometimes insisting on your right-of-way can cause otherwise-avoidable catastrophic damage.  And it’s not unusual for the person in the right to suffer more than the person in the wrong. Sometimes it’s worth pausing that extra minute or making a little extra room for that person who maybe isn’t quite doing things strictly according to the rules.

A little bit of grace can go a long way.

A lot farther than a Honda Accord can propel a human body, anyway.

The One Mistake That Ruins Your Networking

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I know networking is important. Knowing it actually makes things worse for a hardcore introvert like me though, because even when it’s not “important”, I’m already nervous about striking up a conversation with a stranger because I am terrible at small talk and APPARENTLY IT’S POOR FORM TO GO DEEP RIGHT FROM THE GET GO.

Me: Hi, I’m Jay Posey, I just wanted to introduce myself and ask if you have ever thought about how what you’re doing with your life might actually be completely irrelevant and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

Generous Celebrity: Hi, Jay, that’s a great question, and I think every artist struggles with that question from time to time.

Me: Here’s my card.

Generous Celebrity: Great, thanks.

Me: NETWORKING!!!!

(And then I snort/laugh awkwardly and a little bit of spit flips out of my mouth, catches my upper lip, and somersaults acrobatically onto my glasses.  We each pretend this didn’t happen.)

That never actually happened of course (OF COURSE, I SAY), but that is literally the best case I can imagine.

For a while I kind of gave up on “networking” because I recognized I was really bad at it and all of the advice people gave me didn’t really help because it was too many things to remember when it came time to Network.

Be polite, but act important!  Speak confidently!  But don’t be confrontational!  Eye contact!  But don’t stare!  Firm handshake!  Now, quick, make small talk!  No, not like that!  Oh no, no, no, quick make a joke!  No a funny one!  Just laugh so they know you were joking!  Aarrgh not the spit again!  The card, give the card! EJECT EJECT!

And then (probably as most socially adept people naturally recognize) I learned a great lesson.  I was actually more successful at “networking” the less I tried to do it!

IF YOU’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE OF THE HEADLINE, SKIP TO HERE:

The crucial mistake I was making?  I was networking as if I expected something from everybody.  

I tended to gravitate to the people I thought had the most power to help me get where I was going (the same five people everyone else wanted to talk to), and I ignored the people I didn’t recognize (many of whom were awesome pros who didn’t feel it necessary to draw attention to themselves).

Getting That Movie Exec’s card, or meeting That Screenwriter, or talking to That Actor, or sitting next to That Creative Director, any one of those things could be my ticket!  My ticket that would pay off instantly!!  AND THEN GLORY AND RICHES AND THEN I AT LAST WILL COVER THE WORLD IN DARKNESS MUHAHAHAHAHA etc. etc.

Even Generous Celebrities get tired of people thinking of them as a stepping stone.

When you’re setting out to Network, just being kind, friendly, and generous and not expecting anything in return is a really great place to start.

It’s even better when you can be the person who connects two people who need each other to Make Things Happen, even when there’s literally nothing in it for you.

Maybe especially when there’s nothing in it for you.

Yay, Sharing!

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So you know that time I mentioned that thing about how I’ve got a novel coming out July 30th, called Three and I want everyone to go out and buy all the copies?  If not, hey, I’ve got a novel called Three coming out on July 30th.  But that’s not important right now, because right now …

I’m very pleased to announce that I’ll be partnering with the excellent organization Hope For The Warriors®.  

The mission of Hope For The Warriors® is to enhance the quality of life for post-9/11 service members, their families, and families of the fallen who have sustained physical and psychological wounds in the line of duty.  Hope For The Warriors® is dedicated to restoring a sense of self, restoring the family unit, and restoring hope for our service members and our military families.

I was extremely impressed by the incredible and comprehensive range of support that Hope For The Warriors® provides our service members and their families, and by their consistently high ratings for both financial efficiency and transparency.  With over 11 distinct programs, Hope For The Warriors® takes a very well-rounded approach to providing care.

They’re awesome.  But, to quote Levar Burton, you don’t have to take my word for it … you can find out more about Hope For The Warriors® here at their own site.  In fact you should go there right now and give them your money!

I’ve pledged 10% of my royalties from the sales of Three to their organization, so you can either support them directly at the Hope For The Warriors® site or you can support us both by buying a copy of my novel.  But those are your only two options.

 

Recovering a Broken Promise

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A few days ago I was on my way to a conference and it was about lunch time so I thought to myself, “Self, you should stop at [PARTICULAR FAST FOOD RESTAURANT], because you are in a hurry and they are fast!”, to which I replied “SHUT UP I DO WHAT I WANT!” because I’m a conflicted artist type.

But it seemed like a good idea, so I went to [PARTICULAR FAST FOOD RESTAURANT] and I ordered quite possibly the most generic, stereotypical kind of thing you might get at such a place, thinking this would help keep the old industrial-grade wheels greased with delicious cheeseburger juice and ensure a speedy exchange.

(I’m not going to name [PARTICULAR FAST FOOD RESTAURANT] because it’s unimportant, but I will refer to the event in shorthand as a McFail.)

Long story short: DID NOT GO AS PLANNED.

Somehow I ended up having to pull forward into the little Parking Space of Shame usually reserved for people who have ordered something so complex and unusual that the manager has to call up HQ to get permission just to prepare it.  And after waiting a little over 10 minutes, I finally got my order (which included an upgrade to medium fries since I had waited so long), and based on appearances, my theory is that the Emergency Burger Assembly Protocol goes something like:

  1. Pin hamburger buns to regulation safety wall, insides facing Burger Assembly Technician.
  2. Apply meat patties and cheese with Emergency Burger Assembly 12-Gauge.
  3. Hose with ketchup.
  4. With two hands, grasp and fling pickles and onion bits.
  5. Using [PARTICULAR FAST FOOD RESTAURANT]-branded paper, scoop and roll ingredients together.
  6. Present to customer with all haste.
  7. Smile!

Also, the fries were cold.

None of us anticipate a McFail, of course.  I specifically chose [PFFR] because I believed they’d keep their promise to get me my food fast.  But for whatever reason, they couldn’t deliver on that promise in this particular instance.  Somewhere a mistake was made, or an accident occurred.  A miscommunication, or a technical glitch, or maybe the ketchup hose was clogged.  No big deal, really.  These things happen.

But when a McFail occurs (and they will), if you want to Make It Right, you can’t do so by attempting to deliver on the same promise you just broke.

You didn’t get me my food quickly.  The time for hurrying with my order has now passed.  If you want to Make Things Right, you’re going to have to deliver something extra special that I wasn’t expecting.

(The fry upgrade was a fine attempt, but they weren’t fresh out of the fryer hot hot hot and I’d ordered the SMALL on purpose because I didn’t want to eat FIVE POUNDS OF POTATOES, so they just gave me a lot of something I didn’t want and made me feel even less important.)

Whether you’re a small business, a MULTIBAZILLION DOLLAR corporation, or an individual artist, your marketing sells a promise to The Masses.  “Our carpets feel great on your feet!”, “Our cheeseburgers are the greasiest!”, “My artwork makes you feel bad about yourself!”

But when you fail to deliver on that promise and you want to recover, you have to switch focus from What Works For The Masses to How I Can Cater To This Individual.

You can’t make up for not being fast by trying to be faster.  After a McFail, you have to slow down and do something remarkable.

 

 

How My GPS Makes Me a Worse Driver

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So as the title may have suggested, I made a discovery recently.  I’m a noticeably worse driver when I’m using my GPS.

At first I thought it was just my imagination because clearly a GPS isn’t that much different than having an eager-to-help friend or spouse sitting right there next to you, telling you exactly what your next turn is going to be in 22 miles, and then reminding you of it when it’s just a mile away, and then reminding you again when it’s 0.2 miles, and then pointing out cheerily that you missed your turn and that you should return to the highlighted route, and then diplomatically refraining from commenting when you do a three point turn in heavy traffic and everyone is honking at you.

But then I started keeping track of things like how much my speed varied or how many times my tires drifted out of a lane and I noticed that yep, empirically, I’m a worse driver when my GPS is on.

Naturally being the inquisitive guy that I am I said to myself, “Self, why is it that you are so much worse at driving when you have your GPS on?”, to which I replied “NOT NOW, WE’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS CORNFIELD FIRST!”

Later, I realized there was a pretty simple explanation for it.  See, my particular brand of GPS (which I shall not identify because they don’t pay me enough to endorse them and also I’m talking about how their product makes me bad at things) has all kinds of Good Information it can tell me besides just how to get where I’m going.  It can tell me what direction I’m currently headed.  Or my elevation.  Or my expected arrival time.  Or how fast I’m going.

The problem is, I don’t generally need all that information.  But because it’s available, I find myself constantly monitoring all of it.  Why I feel the need to check my speed on my GPS and compare it to my speedometer, I don’t know.  Nor do I understand why I need to look to make sure I’m STILL on the right street, even though I just looked six seconds ago, and I have 83 more miles to go before my next turn.  But I do it anyway.  And all of this data monitoring, while interesting, takes me away from the Primary Thing I’m supposed to be doing which is NOT DRIVING INTO THAT CORNFIELD.

And then I noticed I do the same thing when I’m writing.  I have all these ways to measure things like page number and red squigglies for typos and word count and what not and so forth and because I have deadlines I find myself constantly monitoring various metrics that are all very interesting and useful indicators of progress but are also taking me away from focusing on the Primary Thing I’m supposed to be doing which is NOT WRITING INTO THAT CORNFIELD.

Certainly there’s a time for analysis and evaluation.  Is this plot point working?  Is that character more than just a stereotype?  Am I on track to hit my deadline?  Is squiggly actually a word?  Are there really that many cornfields in Durham?

But constant monitoring is a trap.  It’s a great way to distract yourself from doing and, in the worst case, to deceive yourself into thinking you’re actually accomplishing something when you are in fact hamstringing your own productivity.

Focus is underrated.  Metrics have their place.  But mostly the way to get where you’re going is to keep your eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel, and your foot on the appropriate pedals depending on your circumstances.  Accelerator for road, brake for cornfields.