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When Free is Worse than Nothing

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Generally speaking, there’s no better way to get someone’s attention than to offer them something FOR FREE.

(I said generally … if you want to get specific, okay, sure you can probably get a lot of attention running naked down the freeway or wearing flaming pantyhose on your head or both, but let’s not go there, k, thanks.  And yes, I know what you’re thinking smarty, if you have flaming pantyhose on your head you can’t also be naked unless you’ve got some kind of quantum clothing arrangement going on; you’re very clever.  But we already knew that because you’re visiting my site which is, as clearly stated, a place where everyone who visits is clever and attractive, so, you know, well done.)

It’s easy to think that there’s no risk to giving somebody something for free.  If they like it, great, they’ll probably be back for more.  And if not, no harm done, right?

Actually, it turns out that by mishandling a freebie, you can turn someone who didn’t know about you (or even worse, someone who had a neutral-leaning-positive attitude about you) into a RABID HATE FURNACE OF RAGE.  Hate furnaces are bad enough, but come on people, RABID.

There are lots of ways to screw up the “Here take this free thing” interaction, but a way to guarantee you’ll make enemies?  Give people something they think is worth less than the effort it took to get it.  The critical qualification there is that they just have to think it wasn’t worth the cost.  Sometimes factors beyond your control can turn what should’ve been a low-risk interaction into a PERSONAL INSULT AND INJURY.

That free chicken sandwich?  TOO MUCH MAYONNAISE, NOT WORTH THE 20-MINUTE DRIVE AND 15-MINUTES IN LINE.  That app?  I HAD TO FACTORY RESET MY PHONE TO UNINSTALL IT.  The meeting where they promised pizza?  THEY ORDERED TWO MEDIUMS AND 36 PEOPLE SHOWED UP.  This blargh post?  TOO MANY ALL CAPS.

There are many more ways to measure cost than just money.  Time, effort, opportunity, expectation.  When you’re offering something “free”, it’s important to consider exactly how “free” it is.  If your first “no-risk” interaction with someone turns them into a RABID HATE FURNACE OF RAGE against you, it’ll be nearly impossible to win them back.

Keeping Promises You Can’t Make

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As a general rule, being a Person of One’s Word is highly admirable and a sign of character and integrity.  But in some very special cases, it might do more harm than good.

In the rare circumstance, it might actually be better to bite the bullet and admit you made a mistake, to confess you underestimated the workload or overestimated the time you had to commit, than to push through and meet the deadline with a rushed solution.  Whoever you’re doing the work for right now might be annoyed (or disappointed or frustrated or angry) about a week’s delay, and they might have every right to feel that way.

But in many cases, once your work is out there for the world to see, it has to stand on its own.  There’s no special tag hanging off the side saying “Wrote this in three days instead of twelve!”, or “Could’ve been a lot better if I’d had two more weeks!”.  For many people, whatever that project is, that will be their first contact with you and your work.  It might be worth it to slip the schedule to make sure you’re representing yourself well.

Of course, it only works if it’s truly a rare case.  (And if you’re not, you know, ruining a wedding or a funeral.)  If you’re regularly missing deadlines or under-delivering, you’re digging a mighty hole for yourself in the long run.  But if you’ve done the work and established yourself as a Generally Reliable Sort, you’ve got some Character Credit built up that can give you an emergency cushion, should you ever need it.

Writer’s Block and Me

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As a professional writer, I’m often asked by other writerly types how I deal with writer’s block.  And until recently, I’ve had a pretty stock response: if you want to be a professional writer, you learn how to write anyway.

And to some degree that’s true.  Writing Professionally has a lot to do with Writing No Matter What.  Digging deep and getting words on the page, even when you have a cold (sometimes), or wish you were working on That Other Project (usually), or want to take a nap (always).

But for some reason, the last time I was asked that question (by a lovely young woman at George Mason University, hi, I’m sorry I didn’t answer this better in person), it struck me that, while true, it wasn’t particularly helpful.  So I spent some time on my drive back home reflecting on Writer’s Block, and discovered that I actually have three methods of attacking it, which I will share with you, for a mere $79.90:

1)  Know what you’re doing

Generally if I’m having trouble writing a scene, whether it’s for a game, a short story, a screenplay, whatever … it’s because I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish with the scene itself.  The good news is, this isn’t a creative issue, it’s a logistical one.  I just have to go back and look at what the story needs to move it forward.

Am I answering a particular question I raised earlier?  Am I raising a new question?  Am I creating a conflict between two characters, or resolving one?  Once I’ve identified the purpose of the scene, it’s much easier to put the building blocks in place to accomplish that purpose.

2)  Write Badly

If I know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I’m still feeling blocked, I probably just need to give myself permission to write badly.  In these cases, I’m usually sitting there waiting for the perfect line or two to present itself to me, and then freaking out about how it’s not happening and oh no I’m not a real writer I’m a fraud and everyone’s going to find out and no one will ever pay me to write again ever.

Turns out, the best thing in these cases is for me to write badly on purpose.  To write things like “This is the scene where John gets angry.  ‘I’m so angry!’ he said angrily.  And then he punches Bob with an angry fist.”  Because once I’ve written something silly that I know I don’t intend to keep, it often helps me get over myself.

(And the Big Secret Trick about that is: as long as I’m badly writing things that need to happen to move the scene forward, when I go back, I don’t have to do writing anymore, I just have to EDIT which, mathematically speaking, is like eleventy-billion times easier.)

3)  Read

If neither of the previous two steps help, then I might just be out of words.  So I need to fill back up.  Which I do by reading.  It sounds silly of course, but I’m a firm believer that reading and writing are intimately connected.  Typically, I’ll find something totally unrelated to whatever it is that I’m working on.  Anything, really, as long as it’s engaging.  Sometimes I’ll read articles about space exploration, or what DARPA’s working on.  Sometimes I’ll pick up a classic, like Don Quixote.  Sometimes I’ll grab something newish, like Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey.  As long as it’s engaging, it usually has a refreshing affect upon my brain-mush.

Typically, one to three of those three things is enough to jar me back into production.  I might not feel inspired, but I’ll at least be back in the game, doing what I’m supposed to be doing, which is words.

Please make checks payable to Jay Posey.

Daredevils and Idiots

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If you were to get on a motorcycle and drive into the Grand Canyon, no one would be surprised when you plummeted to your death.  And when people read about you in the newspaper, most of them would think “Wow, that guy was an idiot.”

But put on a cape and TELL everyone you’re going to get on a motorcycle and jump OVER the Grand Canyon, people may or may not be surprised when you plummet to your death, but their response is likely to be very different.

That’s why it’s important to learn the “rules” before you break them.

Because when you know the risk you’re taking, and you do something new and dangerous to entertain The People, even if you fail, your fans will probably admire you for your brave attempt.

But if you don’t know the risk you’re taking and you do it out of ignorance, then when you fail, people will probably just shrug and think you should’ve known better.

Pencils and Chisels

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Writers, if your pencil was a chisel, people would have more respect for your work.

No one meets a sculptor and says, “A sculptor?  Cool!  I have a great idea for a sculpture; it’s a life-size Trojan horse, made of marble.  I would make it, if I just had more time.”

But as writers, we hear this all the time; people have all sorts of Great Ideas for the next big movie or novel, and amazingly the ONLY thing stopping them is how busy they are.  Not a lack of experience, not the fact that they’ve never studied plot or character development, not that they can’t even craft an email that clearly and concisely communicates a message.  Just a lack of time.

Because the basic mechanics of writing are within most everyone’s grasp, it’s easy to believe that anyone can do it.  Because technically, anyone can.  Most of us can type, or put pen to paper, or dictate.  But confusing having a grasp of the mechanics with being an expert is like thinking because we can walk, we’re ready to run a marathon.

Fortunately you don’t have to be respected to be a good writer.

Good News, and Bad News

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The good news is, you’re special.  There is no one else in the world that thinks exactly the way you think, that has the exact same experiences that you have, that expresses herself the way you do.  You have a unique perspective and a unique voice, and as you refine your skills as a writer (or painter, or architect, or marketer), you’ll find that you connect with a certain group of people in a certain way that no one else can match.

The bad news is, you aren’t special.  You’re not so smart and so talented that you’re going to whip up your first novel and sell it to the first publisher that reads it for seven figures.  You’re not going to bang out a screenplay this weekend and have a check from Paramount by next weekend.  You’re going to have to work and suffer and strain.  You’re going to be disappointed.  You’re going to have to persevere. To overcome.  If you do those things, you will eventually prevail.  Even if it takes you a decade.  Or more.

And then the rest of us will get to appreciate how special you are.